Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
