was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
