my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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