I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
