Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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