Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
