he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
