Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
