I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
