I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
