i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
