This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
