i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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