I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize