Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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