so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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