I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
