Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
