when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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