The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize