If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize