Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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