still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
