am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
