Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
