I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
