My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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