another moral hangover. fuck.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
