I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
