i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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