So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize