Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
