Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
