Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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