I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
