YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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