help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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