You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
