I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
