it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
