I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize