the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
