You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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