I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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