I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
