I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
