Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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