Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
