the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
