i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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