We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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