This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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