rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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