You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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