remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
