i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
