it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
