your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
