FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
