so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
