Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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