hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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