Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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