you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
