Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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