Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
