I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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