im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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