my vag is so smooth its legendary
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
