turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
