Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I know her cup size but not her name....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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