I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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