He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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