It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
