last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We had to coat check the pizza.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
