If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
