"it" just moved
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
