I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
