Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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