i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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