He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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